“I don’t want to get married…”

We all know someone who has had a breakup or even a divorce.

I know you came here to see what this blog had to say about marriage and I gave you the ‘breakup and divorce’ holler in the first line itself. The reason for that is pretty simple, you may not want to get married for several reasons and one of them could be – what if it doesn’t work out?

But what if it does work out? Look around, do the people going through the pain of separation outnumber the people enjoying partnership?

The point I am trying to make here is, question yourself – Are you open to love? That is a pretty strong question and you may not totally comprehend it the first time you read it. So here goes – Are you open to love? Are you game? Not just physical relationships or flings but building the rest of your life together with someone. Does that ‘building your life’ part scare you? It should.

You see, people who end up going through a breakup or a divorce were once open to love (and they may be open to love again). Being open to love means taking the risk of being vulnerable. Everyone that has been in a serious relationship will admit that the upside far outweighs the risk. So once again the question here is – Are you open to love? Can you accept the risk or do you want to confine yourself in a protective shell and never come out?

“I don’t want to get married” is only a symptom. The underlying disease is something else. Most often the reasons that people add after the sentence, “I don’t want to get married because…” or “I don’t want to get into a relationship because…” reflect that disease of not being open to love and willing to take that risk.

Its important to clarify here that I am not asking you to jump the gun. I am not being incentivized by your parents to write this blog. And I sure-as-hell don’t want to take away your unending supply of booty by getting you married to one person 😄. Treat this as a word of caution so that when the time comes, you can assess yourself better on what justifies your reason(s) for not getting married.

“Okay, okay, lets say I am open this love thingy, what now? Should I go out and marry any random person off the street?” Of course not! A few things you may want to reflect on are (not an exhaustive list of course),

1. What is it that you are looking for in a partner and the relationship? If you don’t know what you want, the chances of you getting it are zilch.
2. Once you have an answer to point 1, think of your ideal partner, what do you think their answer would be to point 1? Ask yourself, what is it that you have to offer? Do you need to work on yourself? What areas can you improve on?
3. While you are doing all that, remember, Pobody’s Nerfect!
4. Realize that relationships demand time and effort. You may have to give up some of your habits, you may have to compromise on the choice of your movies and (just in case you aren’t used to this) you are not going to be the sole decision making authority in the house anymore
5. Finally, its good to think through what your long term goals are. What are the things that matter the most to you? What is it that you just cannot compromise on? For example, if you are a very financially savvy person you may have trouble putting up with someone who works a job only to splurge on payday. If your way of life (may include food habits, societal constraints, religion) is not up for discussion you should avoid someone who’s totally opposite. Physical attractiveness aside, the person beneath is much more important

And for those of you who read this far and feel your parents are not going to approve of your relationship and the blog says nothing about it, well the blog asked the key question in the beginning itself. When you are open to love, you are open to not just a heartbreak but also open to go against the World. Open to take the relationship to the next level come what may!

PS – Would love to know what you have to say on this subject. I do know that every person has a philosophy around this 😉