One of my best friends once called someone a Bhayyu (भय्यु). To set the context, let me tell you that Bhayyu isn’t really one person. Bhayyu is actually a very specific category of us, Indian Men, that are single and have very low probability of changing that relationship status. To be honest, all of us have been a Bhayyu at some point in our lives.
Now even if as a Bhayyu, you manage to get a girl’s number or pull off a coffee date it so happens afterwards that the girl starts avoiding you. She stops replying to your messages or answering your phone calls. You are left wondering WTF just happened.
Let me bring in three words (followed by their urban dictionary definitions that I found most appropriate) – Needy, Clingy, Creepy
Someone who wants your attention, they want you to show them affection and love all the time. It may become annoying after a while
When a person becomes irritating by always wanting to be around you, talking to you, calling you and just basically suffocating you
A word girls use to describe usually well intentioned guys who do not have the slightest clue about how to interact with women without scaring the fu*k out of them
A bhayyu is going to fit in one of these three definitions.
Let’s triage this a bit. Why are some of us Indian men needy, clingy or creepy? Are we a case of Social Deprivation? Do we lack communicating, engaging, knowing and befriending the fairer sex? Do we go out dating women as often as the guys in our favorite American sitcoms? Do you personally know of someone that has had a great tinder date… ever?
If you try to answer those questions, you will see why we have so many bhayyus among us.
So how do you ‘un-bhayyu’ yourself?
Simple. Do the opposite. Try to go out more often. Speak to more women. Get comfortable around them. Once you realize that there is plenty of fish you won’t feel the desperation that turns you into a needy, clingy and creepy version of yourself.
Now while we are at it, let’s talk about what not to do during the process of ‘un-bhayyu-ing’ yourself. Actually, there’s only one thing that you need to remember:
Forget Bollywood’s idea of how to woo a girl
Warning – What you are about to read could be against the romantic conventional wisdom promoted by movies, culture and instagram quotes so treat it with a pinch of asafoetida!
- You might observe that some of the romantic movies actually tell you that being needy, clingy or creepy is fine. It is not.
- Here’s something else that’s not fine – Not taking NO for an answer. No means no in every imaginable real life situation. If she’s not interested in you and says no, walk away.
- If she is already in a relationship, walk away. It is only in the movies that the guy she is in a relationship with is a total jerk and our ‘hero’ wins her over. In real life, it is much easier to pursue someone who is single.
- And one last thing, while trying to be all nice and charming, do not turn yourself into a total pushover and treat her like your little sister because you might end up in the friendzone. The dreaded, the holy, the unfu*kable friendzone where you give her non-arousing vibes! There I said it! But of course, if you just want to be friends then that’s fine. However, if you want to be just friends you shouldn’t be reading this blog to begin with.
To close this blog, let me tell you a short story – Two teenagers meet for the first time and secretly marry within 24 hours of knowing each other. But they cannot live together as their families hate each other so they end up committing suicide 5 days later.
I know I totally murdered the grand Shakespearean essence of love but that is the summary of one of the greatest romances of all time and inspiration of countless movies we have been fed – Romeo and Juliet.
I brought this story in because I don’t want you to try to un-bhayyu yourself right into a Romeo, please.
PS – On the same lines, you might like the video I did on the classic book – The Game