Why is ‘Bhayyu’ still single? Don’t be a ‘Bhayyu’

One of my best friends once called someone a Bhayyu (भय्यु). To set the context, let me tell you that Bhayyu isn’t really one person. Bhayyu is actually a very specific category of us, Indian men, who are perpetually single and have a very low probability of changing that relationship status. To be honest, let’s face it, all of us have been a Bhayyu at some point in our lives.

Now, even if as a Bhayyu you manage to get a girl’s number or pull off a coffee date, it’s almost like clockwork: the girl starts avoiding you. She stops replying to your messages or answering your phone calls. You are left wondering, “WTF just happened? Did I say something wrong? Is Mercury retrograde?”

Let me bring in three words (followed by their urban dictionary definitions that I found most appropriate): needy, clingy, and creepy.

Needy: Someone who wants your attention, they want you to show them affection and love all the time. It may become annoying after a while.

Clingy: When a person becomes irritating by always wanting to be around you, talking to you, calling you and just basically suffocating you.

Creepy: A word girls use to describe usually well intentioned guys who do not have the slightest clue about how to interact with women without scaring the fu*k out of them.

Now here’s the catch: A Bhayyu is bound to fit into one of these three definitions. And no, that’s not something to be proud of.

Let’s triage this a bit

Why are some of us Indian men needy, clingy, or creepy? Are we victims of social deprivation? Do we lack the ability to navigate conversations, engage, or even understand the fairer sex? Do we date as often as the guys in our favorite American sitcoms? Be honest: do you personally know someone who has had a great Tinder date… like, ever?

If you try to answer those questions, you’ll see why we have so many Bhayyus among us.

So how do you ‘un-bhayyu’ yourself?

Simple. Do the opposite. Flip the script. Go out more often. Speak to more women. Make conversations that don’t feel like a sales pitch. Get comfortable around them. Once you realize that there is plenty of fish, you’ll stop acting like there’s only one fish left in the sea.

Now, while we’re at it, let’s talk about what not to do during the process of ‘un-bhayyu-ing’ yourself. Actually, there’s only one thing that you need to remember:

Forget Bollywood’s idea of how to woo a girl.

Warning – What you are about to read could be against the romantic conventional wisdom promoted by movies, culture, and Instagram quotes, so treat it with a pinch of asafoetida!

• First off: Romantic movies will tell you that being needy, clingy, or creepy is fine. Spoiler alert: It’s not.
• Here’s something else that’s not fine – not taking “no” for an answer. No means no in every imaginable real-life situation. If she’s not interested in you and says no, you know what to do: walk away.
• If she is already in a relationship, don’t romanticize being the ‘hero.’ It’s only in the movies that the guy she’s with is a total jerk and our ‘hero’ wins her over. In real life, she’s probably happy, so just… move on.
• And one last thing: While trying to be all nice and charming, do not turn yourself into a total pushover or, worse, her little brother. That’s a one-way ticket to the dreaded, the holy, the unfu*kable friendzone where you give her non-arousing vibes! There, I said it.

But of course, if you just want to be friends, more power to you! However, if you only want to be friends, you shouldn’t be reading this blog to begin with.

To close this blog, let me tell you a short story

Two teenagers fall in love at first sight despite their families’ bitter feud. They secretly marry within a day but cannot live together. Eventually they end up committing suicide 5 days later.

Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? I know I totally murdered the grand Shakespearean essence of love, but that is oversimplified brief summary of one of the greatest romances of all time and the inspiration behind countless movies we have been fed – Romeo and Juliet.

I brought this story in because I don’t want you to try to un-bhayyu yourself right into a Romeo, deal?

PS – On the same lines, you might like the video I did on the classic book – The Game